Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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