i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
