you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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