My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
