Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
