I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
