I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
