So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
