I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
