I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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