At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't make out with my wife yet
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My Sexting was not on an AP level
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
