What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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