I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We are two peas in an std pod
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
