everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
