I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what day is it and did you see me today?
nutella sex= disaster
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
