You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
