i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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