Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
