maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
