If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
