She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
