Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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