i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
