She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
