Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
