maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
3 2 1 whiskey
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
