Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
