she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
