Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
