i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
