Sry I called you an 8
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
