I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
