Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
