you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
