I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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