note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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