I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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