Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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