Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
