Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
