What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
God, I missed his penis.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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