this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
