guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
