I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
