so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
