you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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