What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
