plz talk dirty to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
