Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
