I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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