Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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