you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
