I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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