Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
